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Last night we lit the first bon fire of the season. It's been quite a while since I was able to spend time outside comfortably (I get cold really easily). I'd almost forgotten how balanced being outdoors can make me. The smell of spring air and growing grass. The crackling fire with its warm glow. I felt happy.
(click on image for larger view.)
What are some of your simple indulgences?
A few weeks ago I was asked to speak to a group of college students about my career.... how I started in advertising and how I made the leap to become an illustrator. I told you all here that I would turn it into an on-line presentation so you could read about it too, and I finally did. It's up and ready for you to check out. (It's not very long...an abridged version of my speech, so I hope you enjoy it!)
CLICK HERE TO VIEW.
Happy reading, friends!
 (2'x4', mixed media on wood panel)
Yesterday I cleaned my studio. It was much needed, as you know. I couldn't walk around or see the floor at all. Books everywhere. Print outs. Bags from Archivers (love Archivers, but I am always completely overwhelmed in there... last time I went I walked out with one sheet of green paper and a glue stick. hee). Paints. Sticks of charcoal. Well, it was a mess.
I picked up and put things back in their places and that green background just kept staring at me. Green green green. Why all the green around me lately?
Well, I ignored the green and went out for sushi with my sister-in-law and her beau.
When I came home I saw the green differently and it needed to be finished RIGHT THEN. So I apologized to Colin for being absent for the next few hours, and I holed up in my studio and just painted away.
The painting above is what happened. (click on it for a larger view)
Here's a closeup:
I haven't thought of a title yet. Any suggestions?
* * * *
Added note: Thank you for all the feedback, friends! I appreciate all the name suggestions!
Been doing too much lately... so I took a break to remind myself of this.
Happy weekend, friends. xoxo
I've painted this damn background 6 times today. Will I paint over it? You never know...
thinking about:
- what lies in this green background
- my to-do list that is killing me right now
- why I can't seem to start any of it, I just keep painting green
- warm weather that's a-comin'!
- cookies
- that this podcast thing has thrown me for a loop (i feel very exposed...)
- about this combining books thing... I'm starting today...
- why I feel so small today
- cookies again
wish i was like this guy:
Podcast, completed.
Good morning! I just wanted to pop in here real quick to tell you that my entire podcast (including the second half) has been posted and is ready for the listening.
Click here to go there.
Cheers!
* * * *
Wait, I lied. The whole thing is not there in the IllustrationMundo site... If you want to listen to it entirely, go to iTunes Music store, click on podcasts and then find the ICONIC podcast. Then just click on my name. Simple. :)
My drawing table.
I can't find it because it's buried. Funny how when things get busy you just start throwing things everywhere (well... I do, you may be better organized than me). I am in the middle of several dozen projects. Feeling overwhelmed. My studio is trashed. Which really just makes me more anxious because I can't find important papers and oh yeah... I left my paint open and why is this pen sticking to me? glue. paint. paper. kleenex. where did i go?
Of course I've been having lots of ideas, but no time to execute...
And on top of everything, I'm getting sick.
crap.
(trying really hard to remain calm and just tackle one thing at a time... the sky is not falling...)
Recently my brother wrote this:
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The Life-Onion
I got the prototype Penny-Message in my voicemail a few days back. Here's how it went:
T, I've got two meetings today,
and all my deadlines are Wednesday.
I feel like my life is unraveling before me.
Call me back."
I thought exactly, our lives are peeling back one day at a time. That's the way it is. I am always working towards something. That's nature right? But what I need to keep myself from doing is expecting to live later. I need to recognize that today is Day Month, Year in the one life I have.
What do we do with the days we're given? Sit in front of this computer screen, perusing around the net in a familiar state of boredom? Sit even more in front of a TV? Or from the other end of the spectrum, do we work our fingers to the bone? Spend days 'getting somewhere?' Now I am thinking it doesn't matter. REALLY. It doesn't. Here's what I think matters:
Letting your shoulders relax while you're doing whatever you're doing. Stop holding your forehead muscles tight. Breathe a little more deeply. Be here now. Don't be next week or last year. I for-real just caught myself with tense shoulders.
Follow along if you'd like or quit reading now, but here are more thoughts:
Which memories are your most prominent? I have memories of days spent on the water. I have memories of car-wrecks and 10k's. I have memories of getting my butt chewed at boot camp (Officer's Candidate School). I have a prominent memory of proposing to A. I have good memories of camping and lighting fireworks. I have memories of traveling with friends.
I do not remember all the TV shows I've seen. I do remember going to drive-in movies. I do not remember writing a lot of these posts, but I can remember writing poetry and lyrics in New Orleans. I do not recall the details of each project I've completed on the house, but I sure remember having a beer and being happy each was done. The memories I remember are ones where I was there. Not thinking about next week. Not thinking about old wounds.
Okay, now my thoughts are going too fast to keep in a logical sequence. Signing off, T.
* * * * * * *
I have nothing more to add. I just wanted to share that...
 This week has just flown by. My old agency hired me to work on a campaign and it's just consumed me. Today is my first day back in the studio... So my apologies for the lack of updates.
It was really nice to be back with all my old pals. Thinking out loud together in concepting sessions. Getting immediate feedback on designs and ideas. I miss that. I think it pushes you hard to make things better. In fact, it makes me wonder if I'm pushing my work hard enough by myself. I dunno. I try to. I get feedback from my critique group and my husband. I wonder if I can do more...
I have noticed something that helps me a little though: it's having enough time to be able to sketch out the idea and then leave it. Walk away from it for at least a day, giving it time to sink into your brain. I think ideas get turned around in there, building on themselves and developing, even if you're not actively thinking about it. After some time, come back and see how you feel about it... Many times I notice things hadn't seen before...something I'd like to tweak or add. Another layer or element that would improve it. Or maybe the idea didn't hold up at all and by then I've thought of something new that would work even better.
This all depends on how much you procrastinate, though. :)
Have a good weekend, all.
Podcast Interview, Part 1
Eep!
The podcast interview has been posted and you all can finally go listen to it. Just scroll a little bit and hit the green play button. (I have butterflies in my stomach knowing my voice is on the internet...)
A big thank you to Erik for asking for the interview and pushing me out of my comfort zone. :)
I hope you all enjoy it!
 eighteen hours in an 83 volvo.
65 mph.
dodging ancient glue.
static radio.
cottonball clouds.
salty slate roads.
naked trees.
mustard fields sleeping.
purple mountains majesty.
singing and dancing in the confines of a seatbelt.
another big sky.
hitting patches of elation.
potholes of grump.
talking about the past.
talking about the future.
talking...
talking...
driveway.
Negative Self-Talk
I am the only one who does this... at least that's how it feels. In reality, I bet everyone probably does. Do you? It's when you say things in your head along these lines: I'm not good enough. I'm dumb. Everyone else is ...better...more creative ...kinder...lives simpler...is more successful ...is smarter ...more clever. You get the idea. It's when you just feel kinda worthless. And I seem to do this a lot. I've noticed that it tends to happen when I start comparing myself to other people.
The other night I had a meeting with a graffiti artist (we are collaborating on a project) and I asked him about what he did/his philosophy/his practice and it was really interesting. He talked passionately about it, telling me about the terminology, naming graffiti gods, the fly-by-night aspects. And it was fascinating, but then I caught myself wondering if my art sucked because I do it differently. (Or, as my friend Brianna put it: am I that whitebread?)
The very the next day I was on-line and had 15 minutes to kill before another meeting, so I started looking at other illustrators' sites and that sent me over the deep end. I was a wreck. All the self-doubt and the negative voices were loud and clear. Blaring. Obnoxious. I felt like shit. And I couldn't pull out of it. (abort! abort!)
About a month ago, my very insightful friend Kate sent me a book called "There is Nothing Wrong with You" by Cheri Huber. When I took it out of the package and was immediately put off my the title... I started to hear: Yeah, I know that... why do I need another self-help book... I am fine...
But I gave it a shot anyway. I mean, Kate said it was really helpful to her, so why not. I opened it and was immediately engrossed. It was like having a permission slip to be okay with how you are right_this_moment. And it spoke to some things that I am now trying to keep in mind when the negative chatter starts to pop up.
The main quote that I keep going back to is this:
"We must become our own best friend."
Now, I stop and think about this. What does a best friend say to you? They would never say: you know, you really do suck. You should quit because you're kind of dumb and everybody is way better than you. --No, that's just ridiculous. Best friends are supposed to be supportive and comforting, right?
What if we were all best friends to ourselves? How wonderful would that be? The negative self-talk would be replaced with kindness and forgiveness. No longer would we hear that we are dumb or not good enough. We'd hear that we are okay. That we do the best we can and that's is enough. We are good. Our path is valid.
So now I am trying to walk around with this and really absorb it...the habit of positive self-talk. It's not very easy. In fact, it's really difficult for me. Old habits die hard I guess. I bet this is something to struggle with for a long time. But at least I'm fighting. :)
I think it's starting to work just a little: When I was sitting in front of that graffiti artist, hearing that negative self-talk, I stopped for just a brief moment to say to myself: "Hey, I just do it differently and my way is okay too. Would I want to give up what I'm doing to do what he's doing? No. Not really. So that's good. I'm good enough." And listening to him went back to being fascinating... an inspiration, even!
I'm good enough. I'm going to tattoo that to my forehead.
Yesterday my mom turned 50. (Happy birthday, mom!) So we spent the day together to celebrate. There was much giggling and gabbing over soup and salad... and there was, of course, antiquing. (Love antiquing!) (Is antiquing even a verb?) Pictured above are two treasures I found: a bead & leaf patterned necklace and an old postcard written in German. I loved them both.
I'd really like to know what's been inspiring you personally, lately. I am finding music very transcendent right now... especially the Amelie soundtrack. Whenever I pop that in the player, it seems like I slow down and I start to get ideas. I guess that's inspiration... but what's been doing it for you? Tell me about your goodies!
I wrote this in my journal a while back and I keep flipping to it as a reminder... Sometimes I need that kick in the pants to remember to really take each day as something to cherish and something to be grateful for. Especially during these last winter months when it's nothing but gray and cold and chilling outside. (bleck! Give me warmth!) Living out each moment can be hard! But I keep thinking about what it feels like when I am really dipping in deep... really paying attention to what I am doing, not just going through the motions.
Conversations are more intense. My work is more alive. Even the air seems sweeter! It feels like things are going the way they are supposed to... Things just feel magical.
I wonder what magic I'll stir up today...
Things I'm grateful for at this precise moment:
- the sun is out today (even if it's freezing)
- honey nut cheerios
- having lunch with some old pals yesterday
- an understanding and all embracing hug from colin
- my dark gray knee socks
- pink!
- grapefruit essential oil
- the fact that my brother and I talk all the time. It's so nice to have him back!
- dreaming of the beach two nights in a row...
Simple, short and sweet:
LopiePop is now back in business!
Just hit the "shop" button up there in the main navigation. :)
Enjoy!
Have a wonderful new week, everyone!
My presentation today went really well, I think. I didn't sleep well last night, not because I was nervous, but because I was afraid to sleep past the alarm... the speech was early in the morning and I had an hour and a half drive up there. The drive up was good for me. I played some good relaxing music and drove through the muted gray and mustard brown landscape of east-central Indiana. I swung back and forth between perfectly calm and slightly nervous.
It wasn't until I got up to be introduced that my heart started jumping around in my throat. But I just smiled and started.
The first thing I did was gave everyone a handout that said this:
As people were reading it I saw them smile and a few people started commenting. I even heard a few giggles. So I knew I was onto something. I read the handout out loud and just said, "Man, I wish someone would have told me this when I first started out." I asked if anyone there was afraid to start their careers or didn't know what they were doing, really.
Everyone's hands raised. People nodded. I smiled, and started to say that I....
Then my computer crashed.
I couldn't get it back online, so someone had to come up and help me...which took a little longer than anticipated, and I got bumped to the third speaker (there were three speakers total, including me). So the second guy went, and it was a good thing because by then I'd done the initial hard part of introducing myself and starting. So when I got back up to finish my talk, I said, "Hi, me again." and just launched into it, without the nervousness I'd felt previously.
I talked about my experience starting out in advertising and how I had no idea what I was doing at first... I just listened, asked questions and learned as I went. I talked about how I started to think about illustration and then how I eventually took the leap and became an illustrator full-time. I showed examples. I went on tangents. I laughed.
And you know what? It was actually really fun. I felt good up there. I wasn't as comfortable as if I'd been in my pjs at home, but it wasn't that bad. I didn't shrivel up and die like I was afraid of! I did it!
Some of the students even sat with me after the speech and talked with me and asked more questions. Felt so good...
I think the thing that helped me the most was just reminding myself that everyone is human. And I think people, deep down, are good and compassionate beings. The audience I talked to today wanted to like me and wanted to know about my experience. They weren't angry or mean or hurtful... They were friendly and on my side. Knowing that calmed me down.
sigh... relief!
p.s. I plan on turning the content of my presentation into something for you to view too. I just need to reformat a little bit and write it all out. I hope you will enjoy it too. :)
 Site update:
I have been slowly working towards updating my portfolio and bio sections for a while now. There is new stuff in there for your perusal. Also... I added a whole new section called experiments. I have been doing some art just for me... playing by no rules... no style... just doing whatever comes to my head. So that's where you'll find those types of things. I hope to update it a lot because not only is it enjoyable to do art just for you, I think it feeds into every area of life and will help me as well in illustrating for clients. A place to roam.
Hope you enjoy. :)
I'm working on Lopiepop next. (sit tight!)
much love,
p
p.s. My speech is tomorrow... wish me luck!
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© Penelope Illustration. Stealing
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